I'm lost and stupid without you.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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