I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
