so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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