i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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