i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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