well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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