Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
