I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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