I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
