I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
