So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
