I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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