Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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