You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
