umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
