I like to think it a success when the cops are called
from now on my penis is your penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
