I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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