He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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