put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Life is so much better after having sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
