ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
