You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
