Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
