So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
