I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
