Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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