Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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