She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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