I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
