I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
