do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
