Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
