I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
