ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
