3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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