then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
