Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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