OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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