I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
