I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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