Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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