her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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