i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
