If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Randomize
