Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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