There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
