Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
