Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i will never coherently bang her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
