I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
