she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
