i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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