You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
