I am full of burrito and curiosity
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
