hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
