There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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