Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
