The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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